A Disquiet Follows My Soul

For a while I have been feeling a certain progression in my attitude and perception. I almost feel like I've been replaced or changed by something beyond my own interpretation. I wish I could fully understand what it is that started this change. I think it was the meeting of someone who made me aware of what I am, and that I am not all that I seem? I just wish I was not limited by this human brain to fully express what it is I mean to say, instead everything I do, say or write comes out in undesirable meaning because my simple mind cannot comprehend the complexities of what I FEEL.

I will try and explain to the best of my abilities what it is. I may be just thinking too hard about the whole experience itself, or maybe not. I may be feeling exactly how I am meant to feel about it. The only thing I can come up with is that before this event happened, I was so much more happier and blissfully content with everyone and how I acted. Now, I feel like I am consciously sabotaging myself with everything I do. Why? I don't know. I just feel consumed with this all the time, and I try to block it from my mind, but it always creeps in. I act so odd these days, I feel like going to get checked out psychologically sometimes because I've never had to deal with these set of emotions. It's like experience true emotions for the first time, or something like it. It does not feel right at all. I think what it may be is that I am becoming less of a child in nature, and transitioning towards an mature adult frame of mind. If so, than this is the worst feeling ever. I guess I am glad it is happening to me. I feel like as of now, I can say I am an mature person. I don't feel like a kid as much any more. What I mean, is that I don't feel like I am childish to others as much as I must have been before.

This whole post has been a good thing for me, I feel like I am flushing out from my brain this held in anxiety and awkwardness which I have held onto ever since December of last year. I know if I continue using this tool for myself I can let go of those things which I still hang onto. The title of my blog is called "A Disquiet Follows My Soul" and I think it makes much more sense now to those after reading this post, hopefully. This is but just one part of the many facets of my being to come to light. I know this does not mean I am fully healed yet and am ready to be that mature adult I speak about in here. That will take time to adjust to, and handle.

To the person who showed me the truth, or rather has pushed me into a new sense of self-being...

Thank-you.